Saturday, December 15, 2007

Friday, December 14, 2007

i hate beef

Q: What do you get when you have sex with a pregnant woman?
A: A baby with a black eye.

So I went into the Mexican place today and saw Jordan's sister pigging out on burritos and chips. She was in there when I went in, and she was still in there when I went out. Oh sorry, I just felt like making fun of fat people to make myself feel better. I'll stop now.

The point is, I had a beef taco for the first time ever. (I was having bean tacos before.) Man, was that a mistake. As a general rule from now on, Joe: If something looks and smells like dog food, it probably tastes like it, too.

I pretty much hate contacts. Why can't I be rich so I can get laser eye surgery? Hear that, Jesus? I want laser eye surgery (and be rich, it would be nice if you threw that in too). But you never listen so you can suck my fucking balls. Why do people even praise Jesus? Is Jesus a dog? Only dogs need praising. And treats. That cookies and milk dish we put out for Santa every Eve of le Christmas should have been for Jesus but Santa's a fat fuck who changed the rules so he could get more sugar.

If my goddamn movie has to get delayed again I think I'm going to kill myself. Now it's March. Oh well, atleast I can get ready. Just watch it NOT snow tomorrow.

Saturday, December 8, 2007

church of the latter-day fucktards

Hey folks, welcome back to my blog. Today you can read less emo whiney pussy crap, and more of the humor and other stuff. I mean, unless your idea of humor is reading about my misery. Yeah, fuck you.

So I saw The Golden Compass today. I was ready to be disappointed, since it's my favorite book ever, but I was disappointed with being disappointed, as I wasn't disappointed. ...Uh, in other words, it "rocked balls". Shoot me if I say that again.

Let me just be up front about it and say that if you haven't read the book, you'll probably love it and have no complaints. But if you did, you'll probably have a few issues.

1. Religious themes. (or lack of)

I don't give a shit what the fucking boy-raping Catholics have to fucking say, I want the religious messages IN my goddamn movie. New Line can suck my goddamn balls for going the
censorship route and taking out the bits where the Magisterium is a corrupt Catholic church that wants to take over all known and unknown reality. Though half of me (my dæmon half) thinks its a secret ploy by Chris Weitz and Philip Pullman to get the sequels greenlit, because God knows the first one wouldn't do well in the box office if it actually made American audiences think.

2. Pacing.

This shit is paced faster than a thriller. If the Lord of the Rings can be three hours long, why can't this? It's a fucking astonishing wonder they didn't cut barely any scenes
out. Somehow they managed to cram every semi-important bit in the entire fucking novel into less than two hours and still have it make sense. That takes talent. Bravo, Weitz. Bravo.

...But it still pissed me the fuck off.

3. Missing chapters.

Uh, excuse me? What the flying squirrel fuck? What kind of asshole film company cuts out the last three chapters of the fucking book and saves it for the beginning of a sequel that might not even get made? I mean, seriously, what kind of end scene is that? A disturbingly guyish girl, some kid who has Michael Jackson's nose, a cumguzzling witchslut, an inbred redneck Texan and a polar bear flying off into the sunset in a fucking balloon? I'd take the shitty ending of The Departed to that any day of the goddamn week.

The only other complaint I have that isn't important enough to have it's own big-ass 4. next to it is that I distinctly remember the jaw-removing scene involving a little more blood and tongue-ripping, but that could possibly just be my horrible, horrible memory. You know, I forgot Tyler Allee's name the other day. That's how bad it is.


Other than than some usual teen angst, being pissed off at my lying sack of shit parents, and hating Heather Chrysler, that's pretty much my week! ;D Oh, except that I finally got Angel: After the Fall #1. It is so freakin' sweet. Apparently the only person bad-ass enough to have dragons take orders from him is Angel. Oh, if I were gay...


P.S. I'm starting a church called Church of the Latter-Day Fucktards. You should totally join and worship me. We're
almost as crazy as Mormons!

Sunday, December 2, 2007


So I guess I have a blog now. Which until now I thought was pretty fuckin' gay. I guess I got one so I can be completely fuckin' honest and say fuck a lot, which considerably lengthens my paragraphs. I guess this could also be helpful so I don't have to tell the same damn story to like 50 different people over and over. Now everyone can come right here if they give a shit and read it from the source.

Yeah, I heard he liked me.
He honestly scares the shit
out of me...and I avoid him
at all costs. I know that
sounds mean, but I don't
really care.

So that's what Trey said Sophia said when he told her that I liked her. Well, actually that's an exaggeration. I just thought she was really fucking hot. It wasn't really a crush or anything. But that's not the point. I really don't give too much of a shit of what she thinks of me. (Unless it was something good, then I would totally care. So I'm really just saying that to make myself feel better.) I came to the conclusion that I scare the shit out of her because of the way I dress, which would be really fucking screwed up because I'm assuming that most girls think the same way about me because I don't dress like everyone else. Which brings up another fucked up thought, which is that every girl at ESHS is a shallow fuck and decides what they think of people based on how they dress. And if they aren't, it's because they're just friends with me and if I ever did start to like them they'd become repulsed and stop being my friend. There are one or two exceptions, so I could be wrong, though.

I apologize for being a little hypocritical here. I mean, we're all a little shallow. Personally, Jordan Knight's sister makes me want to vomit a lake of chunder while laughing my ass off because she's so hideous. I don't care how good her personality is, I would never date her.

So I started thinking, maybe I should conform like everyone else and dress like the crowd wants me to. Which I was thinking about partially doing anyway, since it would be a smart thing to do if I want to be seeing any pussy before I hit my 40th birthday. Jessi said that I should do that, but still be myself. Which doesn't make any fucking sense at all to me, because the way I dress really reflects how I feel inside. Maybe it would make sense to someone else but it doesn't make any sense to me.

So, I've decided to be myself and continue dressing like a faggot psychopath. I'll just wait for someone who will actually consider dating me, however long that takes. I'll just stay myself. I mean, honestly, I haven't even looked that hard.