church of the latter-day fucktards

Hey folks, welcome back to my blog. Today you can read less emo whiney pussy crap, and more of the humor and other stuff. I mean, unless your idea of humor is reading about my misery. Yeah, fuck you.

So I saw The Golden Compass today. I was ready to be disappointed, since it's my favorite book ever, but I was disappointed with being disappointed, as I wasn't disappointed. ...Uh, in other words, it "rocked balls". Shoot me if I say that again.

Let me just be up front about it and say that if you haven't read the book, you'll probably love it and have no complaints. But if you did, you'll probably have a few issues.

1. Religious themes. (or lack of)

I don't give a shit what the fucking boy-raping Catholics have to fucking say, I want the religious messages IN my goddamn movie. New Line can suck my goddamn balls for going the censorship route and taking out the bits where the Magisterium is a corrupt Catholic church that wants to take over all known and unknown reality. Though half of me (my dæmon half) thinks its a secret ploy by Chris Weitz and Philip Pullman to get the sequels greenlit, because God knows the first one wouldn't do well in the box office if it actually made American audiences think.

2. Pacing.


This shit is paced faster than a thriller. If the Lord of the Rings can be three hours long, why can't this? It's a fucking astonishing wonder they didn't cut barely any scenes out. Somehow they managed to cram every semi-important bit in the entire fucking novel into less than two hours and still have it make sense. That takes talent. Bravo, Weitz. Bravo.

...But it still pissed me the fuck off.

3. Missing chapters.

Uh, excuse me? What the flying squirrel fuck? What kind of asshole film company cuts out the last three chapters of the fucking book and saves it for the beginning of a sequel that might not even get made? I mean, seriously, what kind of end scene is that? A disturbingly guyish girl, some kid who has Michael Jackson's nose, a cumguzzling witchslut, an inbred redneck Texan and a polar bear flying off into the sunset in a fucking balloon? I'd take the shitty ending of The Departed to that any day of the goddamn week.

The only other complaint I have that isn't important enough to have it's own big-ass 4. next to it is that I distinctly remember the jaw-removing scene involving a little more blood and tongue-ripping, but that could possibly just be my horrible, horrible memory. You know, I forgot Tyler Allee's name the other day. That's how bad it is.

9/10

Other than than some usual teen angst, being pissed off at my lying sack of shit parents, and hating Heather Chrysler, that's pretty much my week! ;D Oh, except that I finally got Angel: After the Fall #1. It is so freakin' sweet. Apparently the only person bad-ass enough to have dragons take orders from him is Angel. Oh, if I were gay...

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P.S. I'm starting a church called Church of the Latter-Day Fucktards. You should totally join and worship me. We're almost as crazy as Mormons!